Funniest pieces of background dialogue in Stalker 2: Heart of Chernobyl

One of the best open-world games of 2024, Stalker 2: Heart of Chernobyl has a lot of NPCs. All of these stalkers, with their unique names and well-defined personalities, ended up in the zone for one of three reasons: because the place attracted them, because they wanted to destroy it, or just for the money. Most of the NPCs you run into are trying to make a dishonest living.

You can go to any NPC and get a dozen or more unique voice lines; That's how detailed the game is. Hunters talk to each other, trying to cheer each other up or just share news. Here are some of their memorable conversations.

8

“I was wondering why the mutant kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.”

Dad jokes in the zone

I was wondering why that mutant was getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

One of the most common ways to cheer each other up is to tell dad jokes. Most of them are stacker-fied to make them more suitable to the setting. It's a classic that NPCs love to tell around the campfire.

Mutants will prove to be a big problem as you traverse Stalker 2's kilometers of open plains, and they have a habit of following you far and wide. If you carry too much loot, you won't be able to run fast enough to avoid damage. This joke will be more relatable the more you hear it.

7

“When I kick the bucket…”

A deathbed insult

“When I kick the bucket,” he says, “there'll be a low-duty prick in the zone!”

Here's a joke that shows the lingering feelings of resentment between the various factions of Stalker 2. The Independence faction believes in freedom and autonomy for the zone; Believes that the duty faction zone should be destroyed. Given that their moral compasses are on polar opposites, it makes sense that they take pot shots at each other.

In the freedom-affected town of Jalissa, a hunter tells a joke that an old freedom fighter is about to die and hastily tells his young friends to sign up for a duty faction. When they ask why, he says that when he dies, there will be an off duty member in the zone.

6

“You've had an epiphany.”

Destroy the wardens

So a warden goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, I feel like an idiot, a cheapskate, and a jerk. Do I have a split personality or something?” “No, young man. You've had an epiphany.”

A cheap shot at the ward comes from the NPCs at the city entrance, within hearing range of the wardens stationed there. The joke is that a warden meets a shrink and complains of imposter syndrome – that lately, he's started to feel that he's a fool, a cheapskate, and a jerk.

Warden thinks this may be due to a split personality. Psychologists have a very simple explanation: it's an epiphany. Freedom seekers love cracking jokes at the warden's expense. The wardens keep their composure.

5

“I'm a controller, not a damn genie.”

Corruption in the field

The hunter pauses, then says, “Okay. I want the IPSF to demand a bribe from the hunters who enter the zone.” The Controller goes, “Are you crazy, man? I said, Controller, not a damn genie!”

IPSF goes hand in hand with Ward for being a repressive military faction. IPSF works with the Ukrainian government to explore the area and prevent stalkers from entering. Unfortunately, corruption is rife in the IPSF, and they easily allow stalkers in exchange for some cold hard cash.

One of the stalkers makes fun of this situation, pointing to the wish granter or controller, in the original stalker who gives it its shocking ending. The controller is asked to stop the IPSF from giving stalkers for bribe, but it is very difficult even for the controller.

4

“If your counter screams…”

Gameplay advice

If your counter squeals like a rat, get some vodka. If it rattles like a snake, go see Schulz. If it purrs like a cat in heat, get your friends some vodka to drink in your memory.

Radiation is one of Stalker 2's most delicate mechanics. As you absorb more rads, you slowly lose health. If you absorb them too fast, you'll die even if your meter isn't full. Fortunately, you carry around a Geyser counter to help maintain a safe distance from irradiated fields.

However, sometimes you can accidentally wander into the wrong irradiated area (the slag heap will kill you instantly). This piece of advice from Stalkers lets you know: until that point, anti-radiation drugs or medics can't save you, so get some vodka to see your friends in the other world.

3

“Who are you so afraid of?” “Pretty much nobody.”

A good hunting leash remains

“[I have] A Colt 45 in the glove box, and a sniper rifle and an RPG in the trunk.” “Who are you so afraid of?” the wardens ask in surprise. And the hunter says, “Not much of anyone.”

The Waste Zone is one of the most desolate areas, full of bandits and thieves and piles of radiation-spewing scrap metal. It's best to have a strap on going in unless the game's weight limit mechanic stops you.

Here's a joke the NPCs tell each other about this exact scenario. A stalker goes into town with a sniper rifle, a magnum revolver and an RPG. Stunned, the wardens asked him who had frightened him so. With that list, the stalker's answer: no one.

2

“He's been around all over the place.”

gallows humor

One hunter asks another, “How's Alex? I haven't seen him in years.” “Oh, you know, he's been around the place… I mean, he's been in a whirlwind.”

There is a lot of dark humor thrown around John, exemplified by this piece of gossip. One hunter asks the other where their friend Alex is. Answer: Everywhere – he got into a Whirligig.

Stalker 2 is full of dangerous anomalies that can drain all your health before registering your presence. Whirligig is an anomaly that grabs you and spins you around at breakneck speed. You can imagine what 'around the place' means with that knowledge. Poor Alex.

1

Guitar

A tool of choice

Aside from all the idle chatter, you'll often run into NPCs playing acoustic guitars. It's always fun to hear them play, and they know a lot of good folk songs. The acoustic guitar is a beautiful instrument, both in Stalker 2 and in real life: it's easy to learn (compared to the violin anyway), it's portable, and it sounds pretty rugged. Surprisingly, this is the tool of choice for many stalkers.

You can play the guitar yourself in the game. After you find the merchant in Zalissya, go to the bedroom next to his shop. You can sleep there, and when you wake up, someone will have left a guitar on the bed next to you. Pick it up, and you can sit around the campfire and strum away. The game is so detailed that all the wire shapes you make are accurate and true to life.