Dispatch fans have done a god's work and translated most of them poorly thanks to note that the waterboy leaves Robert in the third episode of the game.
Although most Dispatch players have spent the last few months debating whether Invigil or Blonde Blazer is the true romance of the game (even though Visi is clearly the more popular choice), I'd argue that everyone is focusing on the wrong characters. The real MVP of the Z-Team is none other than Waterboy, who you can pick off Phenomaman in the third episode of the game.
If you choose to give advice to Waterboy instead of giving him another desperate Superman-like chance, Waterboy will present Robert with a small thank-you note on his desk. Unfortunately, thanks to how Waterboy is always wet, that note is nearly impossible to read. That is, unless you've got eagle eyes like some Dispatch fans.
Translated from Waterboy's Thank You Note Dispatch, and it will make your day
I'm judging anyone who picks Phenomaman from here
Take Twitter user N3lgs, for example, who recently took the time to go through the message and try to translate as much as possible. It's still hard to make out many notes, but it's Waterboy who opens by saying that he appreciates giving Robert a chance, before saying that he's very grateful to him.
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The most heartbreaking part of the note is when Waterboy says that this is the “first time” he's ever felt important to someone, which cements his choice to be chosen as true canon in Phenomaman in my mind. End of Note Waterboy says that he should consider the donuts Robert left for him as a “little tip” for choosing him.
To be fair, there is a good deal of the letter that is still untraceable, which is partly due to Robert's finger covering a good portion of it, but also because the water has run a lot of ink. From what we can see, though, that's the only proof you need that Waterboy is truly the heart and soul of the Z-Team. And I'm not saying this because Joel Haver voices him.
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