Oh my god, it started with me saying how much I love playing Virtual Boy on Switch with all that new stuff. Long story short: games are now easier to play with better controls and screen/eye adjustments are more intuitive, making it easier to avoid headaches. The plastic reproduction headset is fantastic.
Also, the headsets work with Super Mario Odyssey and Breath of the Wild VR modes, which you probably don't remember but, crazy enough, they do. So, I'm happy with my purchase and The Mansion of Innsmouth, a previously Japan-exclusive game, is truly terrifying.
But I got distracted, so – story time! When I worked in the localization department at Nintendo (ie, the kingdom of heaven that was never a mistake to leave so if you get that job, don't quit), I had two full desks of personal Nintendo memorabilia that I brought with me, including a couple of Virtual Boy consoles.
In fact, you could say I was a virtual boy obsessive. And that fact made me do the stupidest thing possible in my first few weeks on the job. I did something that, honestly, would have gotten me fired from literally any other business.
Virtual Boy was my childhood
You see, when I was 11, I emptied my childhood savings account of all the birthday and Christmas money I'd received over the years and barely managed to buy a virtual boy and a game. And I loved it. I loved it. Were the games good? Uh… there were some!
And also, I want to remind you that I was 11 years old. You could have waved a bag of dog crap in front of my face and said it was made by Nintendo or Sega and I would have handed you my lunch money. That actually reads louder than I intended but you get what I mean.
Virtual Boy on Nintendo Switch 2 feels like a glimpse into an alternate universe
Get ready to suffer migraines again with Virtual Boy on Nintendo Switch.
And, yes, I understand why other people don't like it! Eye strain! Neck pain! But I didn't have eye strain, my neck was fine, and any console that allowed me to completely block out everything I could see in my horrible life was a positive in my book. And the fact that the console tanked meant that I could get copies of almost every North American release for a few dollars at Blockbuster. Hell, back in the day you could get anything for cheap at Blockbuster. My SNES copy of Earthbound still has that Blockbuster sticker on it.
Anyway, back to Nintendo. So I was there towards the beginning of the 3DS era, which is a long time ago now and makes me very sad to think about. Regardless, Nintendo of America is a very welcoming place to work. It also smelled the best of any place I've ever worked in my entire life. And it's a surprisingly small company so you see a lot of great people walking around.
But the virtual boy had no place in my adulthood
That said, Nintendo is still a company. And in a company, brand new employees shouldn't run up to executives and pitch ideas. Especially in a company that is cool, they are very good at coming up with their own ideas. You'd think I'd know this since I worked as a researcher at Saturday Night Live before Nintendo, a place where people don't like running up to executives with ideas.
But I'm an idiot. I loved Virtual Boy. And, at the time, Virtual Console was very big on Wii and 3DS. you remember I remember this. We don't need to explain the virtual console. If you don't know what it was, look at the words 'Virtual Console' and see if the image becomes as clear as a Magic Eye poster. And, despite being called Virtual Console, it had no Virtual Boy games. And – you don't know? – The company just released a 3D console! Right time!
Two things. A: It is actually possible to mod the 3DS to play Virtual Boy games. So, you know, if it sounds good to you, go to town. Two: I probably…I don't know…realized my position or went to my direct boss and said something about the idea of Japan making big decisions because someone I didn't work for didn't really have the power to implement them. I should probably spend two weeks understanding how things work. maybe Ordinary people do it, I hear!
Instead, I basically jumped Reggie Fils-Aime into Nintendo's bathroom. the bathroom You know, the best place to start a conversation is with a stranger. When we were washing our hands.
Reggie Fils-Aime says Astro Bot is “almost out of Nintendo's own game”
That's some high praise coming from the former president of Nintendo of America.
I stuck my still wet fingers into a very large, very powerful person who didn't recognize me and said, “Hi, I'm Mike! I work at the Treehouse!” He was polite enough because Reggie is a great friend and was always great to the staff. If I had done it to Lorne Michaels alone, I would have been thrown out the 16th story window. I was also the closest I've ever seen Reggie get angry with a staff member – but that's because years later I was on his team at a basketball game and was literally going to the other team. But what I did next was even more stupid.
I then said – and I promise this is a lesson I've learned and know not to do in the future – “Hey, Reggie, I have an idea.” Which… ten out of ten. That's right. I assumed we were on a first name basis because… why wouldn't I? He was wearing a very expensive suit and I was wearing a hoodie that probably said something like “make tech high” but we were basically equals in this men's restroom where I interrupted a very busy businessman. Reggie! Reg-Major! Regerino!
If Reggie Fils-Aime had killed me it would have been justified
He turned to me because he was polite and waited. I spent five minutes of his precious time explaining to the virtual guy why he should be on the 3DS right away and I said, I swear to God, “And I'm happy to help you anyway you need.” I am literally laughing out loud right now as I type this because there is nothing he needs from me or anything I can personally do to make that happen. What, I'm going to learn programming, leave Nintendo of Japan and put the ROMs there myself? Do they need some big brains to make sure the copy on Teleroboxer still works?
Reggie gave me a smile and said, “Time to get out of this situation.” Instead I took the time to talk more about Virtual Boy! Did he know there were Japanese games that didn't come out in America? It's true! Is this also true? I was making a huge mistake. Who was I to tell this man the history of the company that he was running the US branch? He says, “Thank you,” which is probably the best you can muster while trying to get out of the room without turning your back on the other person.
About an hour later, I'm in a sweat as I realize what I've just done. I asked a colleague if it was a good idea and they looked at me as I asked if dropping my pants and showing my ass was the best way to greet Iwata. Clearly this was a bad idea. Obviously this was a bad idea. Dear Lord, what a bad idea. Coworker said I'm fine but… you know… don't do that. If you want a discussion, start a little lower on the ladder. Maybe find out what everyone's jobs and household responsibilities are!
So I spent the next two weeks dreading what I had done. I was very worried because I knew I was very stupid. I was sure that I had just kicked myself out of the dream place I wanted to work in since childhood (reminder: don't quit Nintendo, you'll regret it). I constantly checked my emails and waited for the moment I would be called into the office and told that it was super inappropriate and that I might not be a good fit for the company.
It didn't happen like that. Nothing happened. I think Reggie let it go because he had very busy things and it was probably such a weird run-in that he thought it best to leave it alone. Or maybe I'm anticipating my own humiliation after a thrilling surge of excitement. So, yeah, maybe that title is a bit hyperbolic. Sue me! (Note: Please don't).
But it's a strange feeling to be so passionate about something so stupid and almost sink your career with an idea based around a console that doesn't really make sense and that Nintendo famously embarrasses. I was so innocent. I was so stupid. I really feel like other companies would put me in an airlock and open the door.
So, when I say I'm happy to have Virtual Boy back, I want you to know that I'm the biggest idiot born on God's red and black earth, and that's why this product is 100 percent for me. Am I biased? yes Did that source of bias make me almost unemployable? maybe But it was worth shooting my shot for that sweet virtual boy that no one else wanted.
