Tyrion Lannister’s Funniest Quotes in Game of Thrones, Ranked

While opinions may vary on the overall quality of Game of Thrones‘ final few seasons, there is little doubt that the cast gave incredible turns throughout the show. Fans generally agree that the best character in the show and George R. R. Martin’s books is Tyrion Lannister, brilliantly brought to life by Peter Dinklage, whose endless supply of acerbic, cutting remarks helped the character stand out. Whether trading insults with his enemies or sparring with members of his own highly dysfunctional family, Tyrion rarely missed an opportunity to get the last word.

Tyrion was responsible for some of Game of Thrones’ most lyrical, profound speeches, but even better than his philosophical musings were his witticisms and put-downs. His wit could be bawdy, sarcastic, self-deprecating, or downright vicious, and he was just as happy mocking a powerful lord as he was insulting someone who just happened to be standing nearby. From crude one-liners to devastating observations, some of Tyrion’s words were particularly funny in Game of Thrones, and Season 2 was easily his most comedic season.

10

“You Must Be Proud To Be As Funny As a Man Whose Balls Brush His Knees”

Season 3, Episode 1

Tyrion’s relationship with Cersei is defined by mutual hostility, but even their nastiest exchanges have a distinctly childish quality, which makes their dynamic feel even more like a particularly vicious sibling rivalry. After the Battle of the Blackwater, Tyrion finds himself recovering from a sword to the face and demoted from Hand of the King, occupying considerably less spacious quarters than before. Never one to pass up an opportunity to taunt her little brother, Cersei pays him a visit, observing that his new rooms suit him much better, since he doesn’t take up much room anyway. Tyrion counters by pointing out that the elderly Grand Maester Pycelle has already made the same joke.

It’s a typical interaction between the two, where Cersei thinks she is being clever, only for Tyrion to point out her joke is so hackneyed that someone else thought of it first. It’s the perfect example of Tyrion’s quick-witted comebacks; he doesn’t merely defend himself, he also makes the original insult look embarrassingly unoriginal, and chucks in a crude, unnecessary dig at Pycelle’s age while he’s at it. It also shows that even when at his lowest ebb, Tyrion is still a formidable opponent.

9

“Oh Did I Kill Him Too? I’ve Been a Very Busy Man”

Season 1, Episode 5

Tyrion’s tongue lands him in hot water more than once in Game of Thrones, but even the threat of execution can’t stop him from making a joke. During his trial at the Eyrie, he finds himself falsely accused of attempting to kill Bran Stark, while the paranoid Lysa Arryn also blames him for the death of Jon Arryn. Tyrion responds to these charges with a wonderfully deadpan mock confession, listing all his offenses from his life up to this point, culminating in a hilarious account of one prank:

This scene highlights Tyrion’s remarkable ability to use humor to seize control of situations where he has little actual power. Rather than allowing his captors to dictate the terms of his trial, Tyrion turns the situation to his advantage, adhering to the customs of Westeros and simultaneously using these against his accusers to fashion his escape route. Even when his life is on the line, Tyrion is determined to make the people judging him regret giving him an opportunity to speak.

8

“In My Own Bed. At The Age of Eighty. With a Belly Full of Wine And a Girl’s Mouth Around My C***”

Season 1, Episode 8

Tyrion’s words might often land him in mortal danger, but they can also act as a lifeline. His diplomacy skills are particularly useful in the early seasons, when he frequently finds himself among people who would much rather kill him. After being captured by the hill tribes in The Vale, Tyrion is asked by their leader, Shagga, how he would like to die. Rather than attempting to barter for his life, Tyrion gives a quintessentially crude answer that utterly disarms the tribesmen. This exchange demonstrates just how Tyrion is able to turn enemies into allies.

By this point, he had already made a friend in Bronn, and here, he manages to find common ground with the hill tribes, who really have no reason to trust him, over a bawdy joke. After a lot of promises from the “Halfman,” they go on to serve as loyal bodyguards, developing a nice shorthand together — such as the interrogation of Grand Maester Pycelle (“Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats.” “There are no goats, halfman.” “Well, make do!”) This also seems to be something of a favorite answer for Tyrion. There’s a callback to this line in the Game of Thrones finale, where his brother Jaime finishes the sentence for him, suggesting Tyrion’s been using this line for years.

7

“I’m Not Questioning Your Honor. Lord Janos. I’m Denying Its Existence”

Season 2, Episode 2

When Tyrion is made acting Hand of the King, Tywin gives him a simple mandate for King’s Landing: clean house (“Heads. Spikes. Walls.”) Upon arrival, Tyrion wastes little time making enemies, quickly turning his attention to Janos Slynt, the duplicitous former commander of the City Watch. After plying him with food and drink, Tyrion tries to coax information from Slynt about his betrayal of the previous Hand, Ned Stark. Slynt blusters that Stark was a traitor who tried to buy his loyalty, to which Tyrion replies:

This incenses Slynt, who accuses Tyrion of questioning his honor, leading to the real punchline. The encounter demonstrates how Tyrion’s quick wits allow him to dismantle those who rely on status and intimidation. Slynt has spent years benefiting from his position, but Tyrion immediately recognizes that this is all based on a foundation of corruption. This is a key trait of Tyrion’s tenure as Hand; he is rarely impressed by titles.

Instead, he judges people by what they can actually do, which allows him to recognize Slynt’s incompetence and dishonesty surprisingly quickly. More importantly, Tyrion doesn’t just expose Slynt’s corruption, he humiliates him by sending him to the Wall. Slynt eventually meets his ignominious end at the hands of Jon Snow, but this is arguably the more satisfying conclusion for the character.

6

“That Was A Threat — See The Difference?”

Season 2, Episode 6

Tyrion was arguably at his best in his role of Acting Hand, at his funniest when dealing with Joffrey, and at his most honorable when protecting Sansa Stark from his nephew. When Tyrion discovers Joffrey using his Kingsguard to humiliate his new bride, he immediately intervenes. Tyrion warns his nephew of what happened to The Mad King when he abused his power, which Ser Meryn Trant interprets as a threat. Without missing a beat, Tyrion replies:

It’s the way he delivers this line, as if he’s irritated at having even to acknowledge Meryn’s existence that makes it so funny. As the acting Hand, Tyrion finds himself with real power for the first time, and he uses it to compensate for years of being powerless in his own family. The downside is that every time he exercises this power, he makes an enemy. This encounter may come back to bite him during the trial for Joffrey’s murder, but it’s still an incredibly satisfying scene.

5

“You Love Your Children. It’s Your One Redeeming Quality. That And Your Cheekbones.”

Season 2, Episode 1

For a relationship so acrimonious, the scenes between Tyrion and his sister Cersei are frequently among the most entertaining in Game of Thrones. Whether trading acidic barbs or plotting one another’s downfall, their scenes together are so dripping with enmity that they sometimes seem to enjoy the combative nature of their relationship.

Tyrion makes some cursory attempts to build bridges with his sister, but Cersei’s loathing is much more deep-seated, reaching all the way back to his birth. This is one occasion where Tyrion tries to be reconciliatory — he’s right, of course; Cersei’s love for her children is her motivation throughout Game of Thrones, but her irrational hatred of Tyrion blinds her to the fact he also cares about them and is actually on her side more often than not. Although, even he can’t resist twisting the knife at the end of the scene: “Must be hard for you, to be the disappointing child.”

4

“And Now I’ve Struck A King! Did My Hand Fall From My Wrist?”

Season 2, Episode 6

HBO

It’s a relatively unexplored part of Game of Thrones, but Tyrion’s relationship with his nephew Joffrey is one of the more interesting dynamics. They evidently detest each other. Joffrey could easily have his uncle murdered, while Tyrion, who should probably exercise a bit of restraint, continues to condemn Joffrey’s increasingly cruel actions to his face. During the riot in King’s Landing, Joffrey orders the starving crowd to be killed rather than try to calm the situation, finally pushing Tyrion beyond the limits of his patience. Once they reach safety, Tyrion rounds on his nephew:

When Joffrey protests that Tyrion can’t speak to the king like that, his uncle slaps him in righteous indignation, spitting out the above quote. It’s a demonstration of how Tyrion’s sense of responsibility often overwhelms his instinct for self-preservation. Joffrey may outrank him, but Tyrion makes it clear that a crown isn’t going to stop him telling him exactly what he thinks.

3

“That’s What I Liked About You in the First Place”

Season 4, Episode 7

Tyrion’s friendship with the mercurial sellsword Bronn quickly became one of the most popular dynamics in Game of Thrones. Their arrangement begins as a straightforward exchange between a wealthy employer and a mercenary, but it quickly becomes apparent that they develop a genuine affection for one another, however much they may deny it. Tyrion delivers this line in Season 4 after asking his longtime companion to fight The Mountain as his champion, which Bronn refuses, since taking on Gregor Clegane is an almost certain death sentence. When Bronn apologizes, Tyrion says this quip.

Tyrion isn’t actually asking for Bronn to explain why he’s sorry; instead, he takes Bronn’s apology at face value and immediately turns it into an amusing and affectionate insult. He’s essentially giving Bronn permission to be the person he’s always been, and their dialogue in “Mockingbird” perfectly summarizes their transactional relationship. Tyrion’s wit here just goes to show how he’s able to find humor while in a particularly desperate situation.

2

“Those Are Brave Men Knocking At Our Door. Let’s Go Kill Them.”

Season 2, Episode 9

The Battle of the Blackwater should have been Tyrion’s finest hour. He spends most of the battle attempting to hold King’s Landing together while Stannis Baratheon’s superior forces attack the city. His idea to use wildfire against Stannis’ fleet is inspired, but things fall apart quickly as the Hound flees and Joffrey retreats to the safety of the Keep as Stannis’ army reaches the gates. Alone, and with no help coming, Tyrion takes it upon himself to lead the men.

The moment when Tyrion rouses the men to fight with an impassioned speech is a perfect encapsulation of Game of Thrones, at once embracing the tropes of fantasy and subverting them. What begins as an impassioned call to arms becomes the epitome of understatement, as he cuts his rallying cry short with an unceremonious, “Let’s go kill them,” reducing a potentially catastrophic battle to what sounds like a minor inconvenience.

1

“Where’s the God of T**s And Wine?”

Season 3, Episode 8

The relationship between Tyrion and Varys, the Master of Whisperers, is one of the most undervalued in Game of Thrones. Their conversations often produce some of the show’s sharpest exchanges, with both men capable of matching the other’s intelligence and verbal dexterity. Nevertheless, there is a touching amount of respect and admiration that exists between these two. While preparing for the oncoming siege, Tyrion considers the various gods worshiped across Westeros, concluding they all seem to have a peculiar fondness for violence:

Tyrion’s proposed alternative is completely fitting for the character. Rather than finding another deity who promises punishment or death, Tyrion suggests a god dedicated to his two favorite things. It shows just how funny Tyrion can be, thanks to the verbosity, the lyrical nature of his speech, his melancholy self-pity, and the characteristic profanity and irreverence. Dinklage’s delivery of the line is almost plaintive, which makes it all the more funny. It’s difficult to imagine a line that sums up the character any better.

Release Date

2011 – 2019-00-00

Showrunner

David Benioff, D.B. Weiss

Directors

David Nutter, Alan Taylor, D.B. Weiss, David Benioff

Writers

D.B. Weiss, George R.R. Martin, David Benioff

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  Isaac Hempstead Wright

  Brandon Bran Stark